Unit 1 Exam question for January 2003

Your task is to write the opening of a short story for an audience over 16 years of age. Your writing should set the scene and introduce the main character. You should aim to write about 300-400 words.

You may use one of the texts on the following pages as a stimulus for your writing if you wish. These texts have been taken from works of non-fiction, and may provide you with ideas for character, plot or setting.

Write a commentary that explains the choices you made when writing the opening of your short story, by considering the following:

ˇ Your vocabulary and style in relation to the genre, audience and purpose for your writing

ˇ The content and structure of your text

Text A | Text B | Student Answers

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Text A

When it was raining hard the other day, a familiar silhouette appeared at my front door. I knew it was him, because, having rung the bell, he retreated to the gate: a defensive habit gained on the streets. ‘It’s the man,’ said my young daughter, ‘with no name.’

He had on his usual tie and tweed jacket and was leaning against the hedge, though he said he hadn’t had a drink. ‘Just passing through,’ he said as usual, and money passed between us with the customary clumsy handshake. ‘I’d better give that a trim,’ he said, as he always did, pointing at the hedge, and again I thanked him and said no; he was too unsteady for that. Collar up, he turned back into the rain.

I have known him for about three years. He comes to my door at least every week, and I see him out on the common in all weathers, asleep or reading or looking at the traffic. I see him nodding as if in silent discussion with himself on a weighty matter; or waving and smiling at a procession of women with small children in buggies. Understandably, women hurry away from him; others look through him.

He has no home, though he once told me he lived ‘just around the corner’. That turned out to be a hostel. From what I can gather, he sleeps rough most of the time, often on a bench in front of a small powerboats clubhouse, or in a clump of trees where sick and alcoholic men go and where there was a murder some years back. In winter, he has newspapers tucked inside his jacket. Perhaps he is fifty, or more; it’s difficult to tell.

From: ‘Distant Voices’ by John Pilger

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Text B

The hats that say “Kiss Me Quick, Squeeze Me Slowly,” are still on sale. The salt air comes from the smell of chips as much as from the sea. And the noise of the wind and waves is drowned by a cacophony of pounding tunes from the seafront arcades.

In glorious sunshine Blackpool, in common with the nation’s other coastal resorts, revels in the glorious vulgarity that has for a century been the Great British Seaside experience.

Pubs and bars along the promenade blast out The Stripper with no evident irony. The Healthy Options bar advertises bacon butties and giant hot dogs (no chips is presumably the concession to dietary balance). The joke shops offer stink bombs, plastic vomit, fake parking tickets and a “Sherlock Holmes patent Fart Finder”.

And the town’s theatres present Hale and Pace, Danny La Rue and Roy Chubby Brown – “Britain’s rudest and crudest”.

Not all is as it would have been in the post-war years that were Blackpool’s prime. On the edge of the sands are Asian families – some of the women fully veiled and dressed in black right down to their sand-speckled bare feet. Their daughters sport silly seaside hats or wigs of purple tin foil above their saris as they promenade.

But most of the visitors are the descendants of the workers from the northern, Scottish and Ulster towns for whom Blackpool was the acme of holiday aspiration in a previous era.

Yet things have changed. Once, the last two weeks in July were known there as Scots Fortnight. Pubs such as the Heart of Scotland and the Crazy Scots Bar overflowed with the denizens of Glasgow whose factories had all been shut down for the same period.

Today, working patterns have changed, and holidays with them. Blackpool and other British resorts are struggling as a result.

From: The Independent, 1^st August 2000

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Student exemplar answers

WAITING

Cathy watched the rising steam that escaped her throat and wondered if perhaps she was part dragon. ‘Maybe’ she thought, ‘When I am six, I will learn to breathe fire for real!’ Under layer upon layer of woollen jumpers and vests she shivered, taking great delight from the chattering song of her teeth.

Cathy sprang to the letter box and looked out into the grey morning, no sign of daddy’s car yet. With a disgruntled ‘Huff!’ she pursed her lips and returned to her seat on the stairs.

Cathy’s mum opened the living room door and took the breakfast things into the kitchen. A blast of warm air escaped and greeted Cathy as she fingered the flowers in the stair carpet. ‘Playbus’ was on the TV now, the familiar jingle tried to lure Cathy away from her spot to no avail. She kicked out the tune with her wellingtons on the stairs.

“Mummy, what time is it?” Cathy called in her singsong tone.

“It’s five-past ten, sweetheart”. Her mum knelt at the foot of the stairs with a heavy heart.

“Cathy love, why don’t you come in the living room? It’s freezing out here.”

“NO!” Cathy replied with that familiar tone of stubbornness used to great effect when entering the supermarket on Saturdays.

“No, mummy, I will stay here.” Cathy dropped her head down into her hands and the child’s face meant business. A furrow appeared upon her brow and she squeezed her lips into a tight ‘O’. She fought to recall nice things inside her thoughts. Daddy’s shiny car. Daddy’s kind face. His big strong arms that he used to pick her up and spin her around and around with.

Cathy knew that should she leave her waiting spot she would miss him. He would call and she wouldn’t hear him. He would drive away in his silver car and then those horrible feelings would come back. Those feelings that lived in her stomach and swam into her heart and squeezed it tight

Cathy counted to ten and looked outside again. Her mum sighed as she watched the child, waiting for a man who would never appear.

COMMENTARY

I wrote my text, the opening to a short story, with a mature audience in mind. I did this because I felt the issues were something that only an adult could fully appreciate. The subject is a six-year old girl waiting for her father to take her out for the day.

I wanted to show my main character, ‘Cathy’s’, perspective on the events. I did this using childlike imagery such as my first paragraph describing steam escaping Cathy’s throat, and Cathy wondering if she were a dragon. Although I wanted my audience to know that Cathy was a child I didn’t want to use childlike language. I saw my opening as Cathy looking back on a sad event from an older perspective. I used lots of words describing song or rhythm, an example is; ‘taking great delight from the chattering song of her teeth’.

I did this to back up the imagery of a young character’s perspective, a life seen as colour and song, and black and white.

Nearing the end of my opening I describe feelings of loneliness and sadness but never state the actual nature of the feelings. I am again showing my reader Cathy’s naīve explanation of these. ‘The feelings that lived in her stomach and swam to her heart’. I thought about using a metaphor here but felt this to be more appropriate to my character.

My purpose was to show my reader a clear image of my characters feelings and thoughts. My structure is quite simple and I chose this because the imagery I have used could make reading this less simple, so I wanted to aid easy understanding.

Examiner's comments and marks

Q1. This is very effective writing- well expressed and engaging. Convincing characterisation- the child’s perspective is skilfully handled. The only detracting feature is a degree of lack of control over punctuation. (I have adjusted this)

AO4 23x2 = 46

AO6 19x2 = 38

Q2. A clear sense of the general aims of this piece emerges and an awareness of the importance of some of the stylistic features- especially imagery. However, the analysis of the language lacks precision and there’s a tendency to over – generalise.

13x2 = 26

Total marks 110 out of 150 which makes it just an A grade.

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	Exemplar Answer for Unit 1 Exams Exam Question and Student Response English Language and Literature (Specification A) Unit 1 Exam question for January 2003 Your task is to write the opening of a short story for an audience over 16 years of age. Your writing should set the scene and introduce the main character. You should aim to write about 300-400 words. You may use one of the texts on the following pages as a stimulus for your writing if you wish. These texts have been taken from works of non-fiction, and may provide you with ideas for character, plot or setting. Write a commentary that explains the choices you made when writing the opening of your short story, by considering the following: ˇ Your vocabulary and style in relation to the genre, audience and purpose for your writing ˇ The content and structure of your text Text A \| Text B \| Student Answers Top Text A When it was raining hard the other day, a familiar silhouette appeared at my front door. I knew it was him, because, having rung the bell, he retreated to the gate: a defensive habit gained on the streets. ‘It’s the man,’ said my young daughter, ‘with no name.’ He had on his usual tie and tweed jacket and was leaning against the hedge, though he said he hadn’t had a drink. ‘Just passing through,’ he said as usual, and money passed between us with the customary clumsy handshake. ‘I’d better give that a trim,’ he said, as he always did, pointing at the hedge, and again I thanked him and said no; he was too unsteady for that. Collar up, he turned back into the rain. I have known him for about three years. He comes to my door at least every week, and I see him out on the common in all weathers, asleep or reading or looking at the traffic. I see him nodding as if in silent discussion with himself on a weighty matter; or waving and smiling at a procession of women with small children in buggies. Understandably, women hurry away from him; others look through him. He has no home, though he once told me he lived ‘just around the corner’. That turned out to be a hostel. From what I can gather, he sleeps rough most of the time, often on a bench in front of a small powerboats clubhouse, or in a clump of trees where sick and alcoholic men go and where there was a murder some years back. In winter, he has newspapers tucked inside his jacket. Perhaps he is fifty, or more; it’s difficult to tell. From: ‘Distant Voices’ by John Pilger Top Text B The hats that say “Kiss Me Quick, Squeeze Me Slowly,” are still on sale. The salt air comes from the smell of chips as much as from the sea. And the noise of the wind and waves is drowned by a cacophony of pounding tunes from the seafront arcades. In glorious sunshine Blackpool, in common with the nation’s other coastal resorts, revels in the glorious vulgarity that has for a century been the Great British Seaside experience. Pubs and bars along the promenade blast out The Stripper with no evident irony. The Healthy Options bar advertises bacon butties and giant hot dogs (no chips is presumably the concession to dietary balance). The joke shops offer stink bombs, plastic vomit, fake parking tickets and a “Sherlock Holmes patent Fart Finder”. And the town’s theatres present Hale and Pace, Danny La Rue and Roy Chubby Brown – “Britain’s rudest and crudest”. Not all is as it would have been in the post-war years that were Blackpool’s prime. On the edge of the sands are Asian families – some of the women fully veiled and dressed in black right down to their sand-speckled bare feet. Their daughters sport silly seaside hats or wigs of purple tin foil above their saris as they promenade. But most of the visitors are the descendants of the workers from the northern, Scottish and Ulster towns for whom Blackpool was the acme of holiday aspiration in a previous era. Yet things have changed. Once, the last two weeks in July were known there as Scots Fortnight. Pubs such as the Heart of Scotland and the Crazy Scots Bar overflowed with the denizens of Glasgow whose factories had all been shut down for the same period. Today, working patterns have changed, and holidays with them. Blackpool and other British resorts are struggling as a result. From: The Independent, 1^st August 2000 Top Student exemplar answers 1. WAITING Cathy watched the rising steam that escaped her throat and wondered if perhaps she was part dragon. ‘Maybe’ she thought, ‘When I am six, I will learn to breathe fire for real!’ Under layer upon layer of woollen jumpers and vests she shivered, taking great delight from the chattering song of her teeth. Cathy sprang to the letter box and looked out into the grey morning, no sign of daddy’s car yet. With a disgruntled ‘Huff!’ she pursed her lips and returned to her seat on the stairs. Cathy’s mum opened the living room door and took the breakfast things into the kitchen. A blast of warm air escaped and greeted Cathy as she fingered the flowers in the stair carpet. ‘Playbus’ was on the TV now, the familiar jingle tried to lure Cathy away from her spot to no avail. She kicked out the tune with her wellingtons on the stairs. “Mummy, what time is it?” Cathy called in her singsong tone. “It’s five-past ten, sweetheart”. Her mum knelt at the foot of the stairs with a heavy heart. “Cathy love, why don’t you come in the living room? It’s freezing out here.” “NO!” Cathy replied with that familiar tone of stubbornness used to great effect when entering the supermarket on Saturdays. “No, mummy, I will stay here.” Cathy dropped her head down into her hands and the child’s face meant business. A furrow appeared upon her brow and she squeezed her lips into a tight ‘O’. She fought to recall nice things inside her thoughts. Daddy’s shiny car. Daddy’s kind face. His big strong arms that he used to pick her up and spin her around and around with. Cathy knew that should she leave her waiting spot she would miss him. He would call and she wouldn’t hear him. He would drive away in his silver car and then those horrible feelings would come back. Those feelings that lived in her stomach and swam into her heart and squeezed it tight Cathy counted to ten and looked outside again. Her mum sighed as she watched the child, waiting for a man who would never appear. 2. COMMENTARY I wrote my text, the opening to a short story, with a mature audience in mind. I did this because I felt the issues were something that only an adult could fully appreciate. The subject is a six-year old girl waiting for her father to take her out for the day. I wanted to show my main character, ‘Cathy’s’, perspective on the events. I did this using childlike imagery such as my first paragraph describing steam escaping Cathy’s throat, and Cathy wondering if she were a dragon. Although I wanted my audience to know that Cathy was a child I didn’t want to use childlike language. I saw my opening as Cathy looking back on a sad event from an older perspective. I used lots of words describing song or rhythm, an example is; ‘taking great delight from the chattering song of her teeth’. I did this to back up the imagery of a young character’s perspective, a life seen as colour and song, and black and white. Nearing the end of my opening I describe feelings of loneliness and sadness but never state the actual nature of the feelings. I am again showing my reader Cathy’s naīve explanation of these. ‘The feelings that lived in her stomach and swam to her heart’. I thought about using a metaphor here but felt this to be more appropriate to my character. My purpose was to show my reader a clear image of my characters feelings and thoughts. My structure is quite simple and I chose this because the imagery I have used could make reading this less simple, so I wanted to aid easy understanding. Examiner's comments and marks Q1. This is very effective writing- well expressed and engaging. Convincing characterisation- the child’s perspective is skilfully handled. The only detracting feature is a degree of lack of control over punctuation. (I have adjusted this) AO4 23x2 = 46 AO6 19x2 = 38 Q2. A clear sense of the general aims of this piece emerges and an awareness of the importance of some of the stylistic features- especially imagery. However, the analysis of the language lacks precision and there’s a tendency to over – generalise. 13x2 = 26 Total marks 110 out of 150 which makes it just an A grade. Top Back to Key Stage 5 \| Back to English Homepage