The following student has written a Personal Statement to support an application to read History. It is an early draft which needs improving.

I enjoy History lessons so I decided to pursue the subject at degree level. At university I look forward to examining a range of historical sources. I am particularly interested in French history, and trips to France have broadened my historical awareness.

As a school prefect I hold many responsibilities: organising and attending school functions, delivering speeches to the school body, being an active member of the school council, working effectively with other students. Having played in school concerts with keyboard orchestra when I was in year nine, I have recently taken up piano lessons.

I am a keen sports player and I am a member of the school hockey team, netball team, the athletics squad and the volleyball team, earning me the "Sports Personality of the Year" award. I have taught information technology skills to younger students and helped a particular student to overcome language difficulties. I have organised sports days and Christmas parties for the elderly; and written, directed and performed in a series of short plays.

I have always enjoyed reading but more recently my ‘A’ level studies have enabled me to explore foreign literature.

Currently, I am involved in the European Youth Parliament Competition in which I will be representing my school at a residential debating conference. The winner will represent the United Kingdom in Cyprus. This venture enhanced my general knowledge (specifically of genetic engineering and drug legislation).ERSONAL STATEMENT

The following student has improved their Personal Statement from the earlier draft.

I have always been fascinated by the past, beginning with childhood interests in time-travel and mythology. This interest continued with student exchanges to France and Germany which gave me the opportunity to study 18^th century French history and dictatorship and to widen my historical scope. A trip to France, where I studied issues relating to World Wars, confirmed my interest in History and my decision to pursue the subject at degree level. At University I look forward to analysing varied interpretations of history and the original sources which they are based.

As a school prefect I have held many responsibilities such as organising school

events, delivering speeches, and participating actively on the school council. This experience has taught me to use my own initiative, and developed my skills of public speaking and diplomacy. I also involve myself fully with the school music performances. Having played in concerts with the keyboard orchestra, I have recently taken up piano lessons and gained a wider awareness of music, especially of Debussy and romanticism.

Playing in various school sports teams has earned me several awards including that of "Sports Personality of the Year", and taught me the importance of communication, teamwork and self-reliance. Organising a series of plays and other events for the elderly was a fulfilling challenge. I also found that the experience of assisting younger pupils with IT and language development was extremely rewarding.

I have always enjoyed reading, but more recently my ‘A’ level studies have enabled me to explore foreign literature. Brecht is particularly absorbing for his insight into the way people attempt to overcome the horrors of war.

Currently, I am helping to produce a film for the European Student Travel Company concerning the career opportunities for young people in Europe. Also, I represented my school at a national selection for the European Youth Parliament. This venture not only enhanced my general knowledge, but improved my teamwork, language and debating skills, which will be particularly useful for my course at universityVING A PERSONAL STATEMENT

Part Three:

The Personal Statement to read History has been broken down into a series of paragraphs with the ‘Before’ paragraph and the ‘After’ (or improved paragraph). Between these two paragraphs is an analysis of the strengths and weaknesses.

BEFORE

"I enjoy History lessons so I have decided to pursue the subject at degree level. At university, I look forward to examining a range of historical sources. I am particularly interested in French history, and trips to France have broadened my historical awareness."

AFTER

"I have always been fascinated by the past, beginning with childhood interests in time-travel and mythology. This interest continued with student exchanges to France and Germany which gave me the opportunity to study 18^th century French history and dictatorship and to widen my historical scope. A trip to France, where I studied issues relating to the World Wars confirmed my interest in History and my decision to pursue the subject at degree level. At University I look forward to analysing varied interpretations of history and the original sources upon which they are based."

BEFORE

"As a school prefect I hold many responsibilities: organising and attending school functions, delivering speeches to the school body, being an active member of school council, and working effectively with other students. Having played in school concerts with the keyboard orchestra when I was year in nine, I have recently taken up piano lessons.

AFTER

BEFORE

BEFORE

" I have always enjoyed reading but more recently my "A" level studies have enabled me to explore foreign literature."

BEFORE

"Currently I am involved in the European Youth Parliament Competition in which I will be representing my school at a residential debating conference. The winner will represent the United Kingdom in Cyprus. This venture enhanced my general knowledge (specifically of genetic engineering and drug legislation)."

• Presents an image of an active and well-rounded individual not just academic
• Valuable to include a reference to IT at some stage
• Assisting other people presents another aspect of the student’s personality

• Too many sentences begin the same way: they nearly all start with "I"
• Useful to mention the skills gained from participating in team sports
• Student is unlikely to have helped a child to completely overcome language difficulties
• Could be more concise about work in the theatre

• If reading is enjoyable then it is useful to state this in the Personal Statement

• The competition is important to mention but the prize not so useful
• No mention of the skills gained from having taken part in the competition
• No link to the degree is made at the end of the paragraph ie. No concluding statement

AFTER

AFTER

"I have always enjoyed reading, but more recently my ‘A’ level studies have enabled me explore foreign literature. Brecht is particularly absorbing for his insight into the way people attempt to overcome the horrors of war."

AFTER

"Currently I am helping to produce a film for the European Student Travel Company concerning the career opportunities for young people in Europe. Also, I represented my school at a national selection conference for the European Youth Parliament. This venture not only enhanced my general knowledge, but improved my teamwork, language and debating skills, which will be particularly useful for my course at university."

AIM

State you reason for your choice of course

This section will help you consider how your work experience has helped you to be a more suitable candidate for your chosen course. The aim is to write at least a sentence up to a paragraph about any relevant work experience you have gained. The length of your work experience section should depend on the type of course (eg. three year academic, sandwich course, vocational) as well as the relevance of your work experience to your chosen course.

State which skills you gained and match them to the duties you carried out on your work experience

To help you, try to adapt the following introductory sentences:

"Being involved in a busy / professional / successful…. (state type of company eg accountancy firm) allowed me the opportunity to …(briefly describe the main tasks that relate to the skills you gained). These duties developed skills in …(discuss skills)".

"Working part time in a …(state type of company eg large retail store) has enabled me to …(briefly describe the main tasks that relate to the skills you gained) which developed my …(discuss skills)".

"My work experience was an enjoyable and challenging experience. Being a …(state job title) enabled me to be involved in a range of areas such as …(state area/task) which developed …(state skills). In addition, I was able to ….(state task) which was essential in developing …(describe skill)".

"Working part time as a …(state job) gave me the opportunity to…(state experience or skills eg. Work in a team, fine out more about…)."

"I gained valuable knowledge of …(state area that you have more knowledge about eg. Legal process) and experience in …(state area of work eg. A firm of solicitors) whilst working as a …(state job eg. Shadowing a solicitor) during …(state period of time eg. Holidays, weekends, year 11)

"As well as providing practical experience in a …(state area of work eg. Computer retail store) the job has allowed me to develop skills in …(state skill)."

"The experience and knowledge I have gained through working as a …(state job) should prove useful in my chosen degree/HND course."

"I enjoyed working as a …(state job eg. Working in a hospital) because it gave me valuable insight into my degree area. In particular, I learnt that …(state what you learned eg. That the degree eg. Medicine is a course that I will thoroughly enjoy)."

"Working voluntarily as a …(state job) provided a rewarding and valuable experience in…(state experiences and skills)."

(3) WRITING ABOUT YOUR SCHOOL/COLLEGE EXPERIENCE

Aim

This section will help you write a paragraph or a few sentences about your relevant educational experience thus far. A position of responsibility gained when you were thirteen years old is not as relevant as your most recent experiences. You should aim to give the impression that you will cope on a degree/HND course as well as survive in an independent environment so include areas which present you as a self-motivated, self-disciplined, sociable, independent as well as somebody who will balance academic life with all the other pursuits which university life offers (eg. Sport, societies, acting, writing, music).

Stage 1

State the experiences you have gained within school or college. Write out your experiences and responsibilities in school or college. Below are some suggestions that have been provided to help you get started.

For each relevant experience, consider which skills you have developed. Read the list of suggestions which follows to help you get started:

To help you, try to adapt the following introductory sentences:

AIM

This section will help you write a sentence or a short paragraph about you relevant experiences or achievements outside school or college. Most of your experiences may have been gained within school or college. However, you may have been on holiday or have certain hobbies which will provide a broader picture. In particular, should you gain an interview, the admissions tutor may well ask you about some of these interests of experiences. In such an interview some of you may feel a sense of relief to be asked about these interests rather than awkward questions about your knowledge of an academic subject! Be warned though, only write about genuine experiences because you may well be asked to talk at length about them should your offer depend on an interview.

An example

Stage 1

Identify and outline the key activities or experiences which you have gained in a non-educational environment

Some suggestions have been provided to help you get started. Consider each suggestion and then add some of your own if they do not appear on the list below. In no more than a sentence or two outline some specific details about the pursuits and then state why the experience is relevant to your application.